Hesitating means [...]

...death. Or failure. Think about it.

I feel that I`m going to lose something very important to me, this year. More than one thing. Grandma is getting hospitalized soon. Knowing what she`s done for me in the past...7 years, I can`t just stand and watch her suffer. In fact, she is always suffering. And I blame myself for not knowing how, or not being able to take care of her as adults do. I like to think that it`s not that serious, considering the pain she got through all this time. As far as I understood, this issue of hers can be treated with the usual stuff she did last time, so it`s not all that bad. Trust me, she is a very strong person, the strongest I have ever met. I feel that she is going to overcome this, what she needs is just a little extra-care from others. Not as in feeding her or whatever (she might even think that`s disgraceful for a person like her) but as in not stressing her all that much. I think that`s the thing here. But don`t mind me, I`m full of drama when my granny gets sicker. Others seem so light about it, I just can`t believe it, at times. Maybe I`m like this because...well. I`d lived with her and seen how she has gotten sicker, because of everyone stressing her, or even blaming her for some shit reasons. Believe me though. She "will" get better.

Nonetheless I feel freakin` abandoned. By friends. Yeah. You know what? If you want to come to me, then come. If not...well, I refuse to come. I`m sorry, but it`s gotten to that. When I need you the most, you can`t support me. That`s why I never asked anything. I waited for bad things to happen.

I`m sorry for you readers to have read this but, I just couldn't continue on not sharing my..."other" feelings. I`m off.